floating

2006/08/23

My Darkest Hour

When I think of that leafless tree…funny I never saw it without leafs, they were always there, in my fantasy. When I think of that leafless tree I think that I may have seen too many leaves, thought of it to be greater than it was, maybe even greener than all the others.
Everywhere I went I could scent the beautiful aroma it blessed us with. I loved to stay near, even if threw a shadow upon me. The shadow could never bring devastation: it was all forgotten by the sight of the light play on its leaves. There were laughs, fun time, seriousness, comfort, all there in that cozy shadow.

I don’t know if I’ll always see it this way, or better, I dare not to question this. Afraid of the ever so cruel answer that always comes to hurt you. No questions. Just live in the moment, enjoy the spring and see what winter will bring. Whatever it may or may not come, everything that was born under that leaf full tree, be it miles away, the scent of it will always bring out memories. Once given a treasure is always there if it caries that name.

And when my darkest hour comes, when the tree will be swallowed in fire, with all its leaves burning, one by one, and one sad eye will fill with tears and hardly look at the site, then I will turn around too weak to watch those damned flames destroying it. I’ll cover my eyes with my hands and turn around. Trembling with sadness I will look at my hands with eyes full of madness. My hands will be shaking, and it seems there will be much more than tears I’ll carry in them. Trying to look at my hands I’ll look from the hands. I could see a face that falling apart; I could see my face but without those loving brown eyes there, will realize that I’m falling apart…and the heartache…I’ll look towards my heart and there is a big hole in my chest, and where the red pump should be, nothing is there but a black space.
My non existing heart hurts.

The more the tree burns, the less of me is left. This had to come. I’ll just wait till nothing of me is left anymore.

posted by calamity @ 8/23/2006 04:30:00 pm

2 Comments:

At 24/8/06 5:21 am, Kourtney said…

It is as though the leaves were hiding something...preventing the vision of what is/was really there! This is just GREAT...Never stop writing
At 24/8/06 2:00 pm, calamity said…

we all carry those leaves and we show the reality only to those special people. hm, i always thought of myself as a person that doesn't carry the leaves, everybody seemed special enough, could share anything with anybody, but i don't know the things i write here i could never share them, nobody would understand so i guess my posta are my leaves ;)
i'm happy you saw something in this post, something you could attach to yourself, this post was actually dedicated to a friend of mine, some time ago, i needed time to post this.
firend if you see this before we talk i hope you don't mind posting it.
i'm happy you found this great, and i will write. till the leaves are here i guess ;)