is it the mood or do i just unsucessfully try to imitate the greatest art minds?
do we write more, better, at all when we are sad?
is it the mood or is it us?
the paper has suffered so many things in this forsaken place
forsaken for me
maybe a paradise to others
my blockage is gone
share? don't know yet.
some things just have to be digested before
posted by calamity @ 4/17/2008 09:06:00 pm   1 comments
i feel like i need to say something...
i feel smothered...
there are so many things...and then silence.
never felt so close to the feeling of slow death...
funny...in a hotel room
the screen and the abundance of words that refuse to join
how wonderful it would be to escape, some day

so many artistic souls simply lost in the moments of this era
how can you reach them how can you lead them to be found
how? if even you are lost.
what does it matter if you're a good person?
no meaning if bad things happen to you
there is no mathematics in that

everything happens for a reason
that's a funny one but it kept me going for a long time
just convince yourself
...but your shell does not want to be driven
there is no reason
posted by calamity @ 4/17/2008 08:09:00 pm   0 comments
sick of people, sick of them feeling sorry for themselves, sick of them talking, sick of them writting, sick of them making it be my burden.

take some medicine, do drugs, go pray, do yoga, there are better things in life than the screen

yea yea who's talkin'

breathe in, breathe out

let the good karma in, be the person you'd like to meet some day, try to understand, even if you learned by now that what goes around doesn't come around. what's the point i'm never gonna meet that person? here's a crazy thought maybe i can create that person...but there will never be enough of them :'(

breathe in, breathe out

i understand now: life has made you so and you were to little to fight it back, you never took time to breathe, to think, you just bursted into flames by every little thing that was different from your ideal.
maybe you're not good, maybe you're not the one to judge, maybe good is bad and bad is good, maybe one should remain open minded.

sick of giving advices, being the shoulder to lean on and then being the one to blame. everything i ever did was well ment, always in your best interest, 'cos you were too blind and too stupid to utter the truth from time to time. don't you get it this is your second chance? be glad, but know you can't afford screw-ups anymore. and if YOU make a mess don't point that finger at me.

here's advice, here's my shoulder, blame it on me...i dare you.

now, forget the advice, i'd never take it, but where's my fucking shoulder, why can't I get to blame someone else?

that's good karma for you!
posted by calamity @ 1/30/2008 10:00:00 am   1 comments
sights - religious
sarajevo is multicultural and multireligious

deda mustafa told us that these girls are studying to become muslim nuns or priests?

posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 09:39:00 pm   26 comments
we stayed in the centre of sarajevo for humble 15 euro per person per night, the owners left us their appartment and lived at their son's place; low pensions force people to leave their appatments to strangers just to get few extra euros.

the cars in bosnia get easily stolen, ours was kept safe on a maffia property for 7 euro per day. who's stupid enopugh to steal from the biggest criminal in sarajevo?

the grandpa that gave us the apartment also proved good as a tourist guide, just to make sure we come back again

posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 09:27:00 pm   2 comments
sarajevo was greatly affected in the war

this building for instance...

...was set on fire

there is also a lot of new meeting old

posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 09:21:00 pm   0 comments
ready to explore

there was also a naked guy

fuck a country that doesn't know sheesha

ofcourse it makes you tired

sarajevo is also a pruod owner of many amazing coffee places

posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 09:02:00 pm   0 comments

the first impressions of bosnia amazed us, they wre promising something unforgetable
posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 08:44:00 pm   0 comments
the trip
first the trip devided us in two groups, one heading straight to sarajevo bosnia and second towards beograd serbija on a rolling stones concert


She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming round the mountain, she'll be coming round the mountain,
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes

we drove for from 23.00 till 8.00 with no sleep on my side since i was the driver, but the trip was full of laughter, stories and songs. and as you will witness it was all worth it :)
posted by calamity @ 9/06/2007 08:25:00 pm   0 comments
i'm back....kinda'
i wasn't around: was busy, got sick of everything? who knows. well i'm back, back from my travels and soon i'll make a photo post so you could see what a great time i had.

until then enjoy

posted by calamity @ 8/04/2007 03:15:00 pm   1 comments
here are some translated words from my faculty professor VVG (Vesna Vuk Godina), she's talking about mousse's experiance with some tribes. it's not dull :)

Auto suggestive death is caused by an individual’s belief that he or she will die. And death came only as a result of that belief: the individual wasn’t sick, didn’t do a suicide and nobody have harmed in a way that could cause his death.

The perfect example of this would be when breaking the taboo of stepping on someone’s shadow. There are some cultures which strongly prohibit stepping on other peoples’ shadows. Violation of that prohibition results in the death of the person who stepped on other person’s shadow. Natural death. Nobody kills this person nor does this person make a suicide. The person just dies without even being sick.

A person who lives in the culture where stepping on someone’s shadow results in death, is expected to live up until when he steps on someone else’s shadow. He himself expects that as well. Others expect that. But switch of expectations is triggered the moment he steps on someone’s shadow. At that moment that person and every member of his group expect he’s going to die. And in the end he does. But not because stepping on someone’s shadow would objectively be lethal. Westerners can walk on each other’s shadows and absolutely nothing happens. No, that person dies, because he expects to die and because others expect that too. Person’s physical processes respond on the expectances that he and people around him have. This is why westerner can step on someone’s shadow and nothing happens. And this is why person from a culture where that is taboo dies. Because he and people around him know that stepping on someone else’s shadow causes death.

but this is just me walking my dog, you step on ME and you don't get to die :P
posted by calamity @ 5/23/2007 08:44:00 pm   0 comments
i went into the woods

they led me there

he longed for them too

guarding the most juicy one

it let him have that one

but i refused to leave empty-handed

posted by calamity @ 5/23/2007 08:33:00 pm   1 comments
i need you

It's cold inside, as the wind blows through my heart
There's no land in sight and I'm drifting away in the dark

Then somewhere in the distance I can see it burning bright
Your existence, In You I see the light

And I need You now, change my heart somehow
Show me Your way, don't let me stray anymore
I'm giving my life to You, in everything that I do
Oh I need You

There will be storms ahead but I'll have You right there by my side
In Your eyes I've read, that You'll make all the storms subside

Then somewhere not so distant, I can see it burning bright
Your existence, You are the light

And I need You now, change my heart somehow
Show me Your way, don't let me stray anymore
I'm giving my life to You, in everything that I do
Oh I need You

posted by calamity @ 5/23/2007 08:25:00 pm   0 comments
lost souls

posted by calamity @ 5/23/2007 08:22:00 pm   1 comments
How strange it is to presume that someone you don't even know doesn't want to share his name, his life story, his objective reality - if such thing even exists? How strange it is to presume if you never even asked them? Yet presume and live in the certainty of life’s uncertainty is more certain than to leave the comfortness of your presumptions to live in the uncertainty of life’s certainty.
I would hate to live as a presumption in any eyes; I would hate to live in any eyes without knowing it.

posted by calamity @ 5/20/2007 04:33:00 pm   0 comments
Artist: Erika

Title: Relations

Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra
Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra......

are what we are living for
they are not always for love
among the stars in the sky
sometime they end you cry
She loves her dog
he loves cat
they are friends
I love you
and I know
There is true
Don't to see Baby....
Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra
Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra
Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra
Tu,ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra, ta ta ra ra ra
for business or just for fun
sometime only for one night
among the stars in the sky
sometime the end you cry (they end in crying)

posted by calamity @ 5/20/2007 01:02:00 pm   0 comments
“Check this out: my girl, she's going nuts, she gave me an ultimatum either she or HER; how to choose between my friend and my love?”
“Why would SHE do that, did you give HER any reason to doubt you?”
“Well this girl she is in love with me.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Well she told me and SHE knows that?”
“How the hell?”
“I told HER, that she writes me SMS-es at midnight hours saying she loves me.”
“And what do you do?”
“Write her back.”
“Saying you think she’s pretty great too?”
“Yea, it’s the truth.”
“What will you do?”
“I don’t know she’s making me crazy and SHE is my love.”
“How great is your love if you question it? This uncertainty of yours is a danger to your love. You really need to decide. And by needing to decide you show the fragile value of the bond between you. Do you realize that if you love someone you shouldn’t question it?”
“You give her hope and break HER heart. Whatever you decide make sure to follow your heart and not your reason, it’s the one who gives the best advices.”
“I will.”
“Whatever you do; do it fast. Whoever you choose cut the other one from your life, but explain it first.”
“You’re right.”

3 weeks later

“I had a fight with HER, she was really mad.”
“Did you break things with her?”
“I did, it’s just that I went to this concert, SHE couldn’t, she had to study and I danced with her there.”
“How did SHE find out?”
“She saw the photos on the net: us dancing on the stage, but what did I do wrong? It was only dancing.”
“Only dancing? On the stage? With the girl who makes you crazy?”
“There was no kissing no touching, nothing, innocent.”
“Alone the betrayal in your mind is enough, imagine yourself in HER position.”
“I do, I try that all the time.”
“Did you decide yet?”
“Of course I want HER, I could never be with her she a child,”
“Then go and explain it to her, tell her about your decision and break off any contact with her.”
“I did that”
“When? You danced with her 3 days ago and you got an ultimatum 3 weeks ago.”
“This time SHE was really angry and I had a talk with her.”
“I suggest you go and talk to her about it again, tell her all and then end it once and for all. But you’re the kind of person who won’t move, who’ll wait what will strike you.”
“You’re right.”
“But you should.”
“I know.”

Silence and sadness for realizing the sadness of relationships.
posted by calamity @ 5/20/2007 12:51:00 pm   0 comments
some thoughts on my readings

They thought us that behind every story there is a face, a new, real story which reflects itself in an imaginary world. What did he mean? Who was he? What gave him wings of a writer? They thought us to ask this, they thought us to wonder about this. But they never knew that there will come a time when none of this would matter; a time where a face would be just like all of the other faces. And in this brave new world we still think as if we would be born in Middle Ages; we still refuse to admit that it doesn’t matter which number it is. Let’s just shut our eyes and wonder about the story behind the story; never even consider the possibility we could be a modern Narcissus.
Normality narrowed its never broad boundaries; slowly, normality refuses any deviation and diversity.
posted by calamity @ 5/17/2007 02:30:00 pm   0 comments
krasna si bistra hči planin
where does the life come from? how does the drive find the materia to drive? does drive exist without the materia?

where does it go down the hill? where does it gain the energy to make the long, long jurney towards the endlesness of the sea?

so fresh, so marry it travels with no end on its mind.

and below bridges it goes, observing how life meets life and then proceeds its journey

it struggles through rocks, determained to reach its goal

it fights the dark, refuses to remain encaved

and slowly all the struggle robs it of life, it hardly even flows, like an old lady it goes, down, down till she is no more

posted by calamity @ 5/02/2007 08:23:00 am   2 comments
what was there
what was there before bridges? did people swim across or they just didn't bother with dealing with each other? how to reach a person when there is no bridge long enough? build one? can we? can i? should we both start each on their own side? will the ends ever meet? should i just take the path where the brige already exists?

posted by calamity @ 5/02/2007 08:14:00 am   2 comments
Today i learned one thing:

If you're around swines long enough you start to smell like them. The best ting is to get out of there as soon as possible, to take the shower immediately and never to go near them again.

posted by calamity @ 4/20/2007 10:39:00 pm   2 comments
here is some slovene poetry for you


O'er thee, Misfortune, I have ceased to wail,
I'll utter no reproaches any more.
Thank God, I'm used to griefs thou hast in store
And to the sufferings in life's strong jail.
No burden can now hurt my shoulders frail;
My lips are used to bitter drinks of yore;
My feet, like leather, are no longer sore,
I dread no thorny path, no irksome trail.

Stiff are my limbs and joints as if confined.
My heart, once sensitive, is hard as stone,
The claims of sorrow have subdued my mind.

All fear is fled; with it all hopes have flown.
Should Fate caress or beat me, it will find
Insensibility of flesh and bone.
posted by calamity @ 4/18/2007 12:26:00 pm   0 comments
wayfaring stranger
ok now, even if no offers have been made calamity decided to post anyways.

last week i was watching a movie called the healer or also known as julie goes home, the movie itself wasn't anything special, but i heard a nice song being sang in it. i went through much trouble to get the title, so here are the lyrics.


I am a poor wayfaring stranger,
While traveling through this world of woe.
Yet there’s no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright world to which I go.
I’m going there to see my Father;
I’m going there no more to roam.


I’m only going over Jordan,
I’m only going over home.

I know dark clouds will gather round me;
I know my way is rough and steep.
But golden fields lie out before me
Where God’s redeemed shall ever sleep.
I’m going there to see my mother,
She said she’d meet me when I come.


I’ll soon be free from every trial,
My body sleep in the churchyard;
I’ll drop the cross of self denial
And enter on my great reward.
I’m going there to see my Savior,
To sing His praise forevermore.

posted by calamity @ 4/18/2007 12:12:00 pm   0 comments
The novel is situated in the 11th century at the fortress of Alamut, which was seized by the leader of the Ismaelits, Hassan ibn Sabbah or Seiduna (Our Lord). At the start of the story, he is gathering an army for the purpose of attacking the Seljuk Empire, which has taken over possession of Iran. The story commences with the journey of young ibn Tahir, who is, according to his family's wish, intending to join the Alamut garrison. There, he is appointed to the squad of the most valiant soldiers, named the fedai. Fedai are expected to obey orders without any demur, death being not an obstacle. During their demanding training, they come to be convinced that they shall go to heaven immediately after their death, if they die in the line of duty. Hassan managed to achieve such level of obedience by deceiving his soldiers - he gave them drugs (hashish) to numb them and ordered afterwards that they be carried into the gardens behind the fortress, which were made into a simulacrum of heaven, including houris. Therefore, fedai believe that Allah had given Hassan the power to send anybody into the Heaven for a certain period. Moreover, some of the fedai fall in love with houris and Hassan unscrupulously uses that to his advantage.

Meanwhile, the Seljuk army besieges Alamut. Some of the soldiers are captured and Hassan decides to demonstrate his power to them. He orders one fedai to jump off of a tower; he fulfills his master's order with a smile on his face, thinking that he will soon rejoice at his beloved in heaven. Afterwards, Hassan orders ibn Tahir to go and kill the grand vizier of the Seljuk sultan Nizam al-Mulk. Hassan wants to take vengeance for al-Mulk's treachery against him long ago. Ibn Tahir stabs the vizier, but, before he passes away, the vizier reveals the truth of Hassan's deceptions to his murderer. Ibn Tahir decides to return to Alamut and kill Hassan. When ibn Tahir returns, Hassan receives him and also reveals him his true motto: nothing is real, everything is allowed. Then, he lets ibn Tahir go, to start a long journey around the world. Another fedai kills the Seljuk Sultan and the Seljuk empire dissolves. The fight for the Seljuk throne begins. Hassan encloses himself in a tower, determined to work until the end of his days. He transfers the power over the Ismaelits to the hands of his faithful dai, military and religious chiefs.

Alamut is a novel by Vladimir Bartol, first published in 1938 in Slovene, dealing with the story of Hasan ibn Sabbah and the Hashshashin, and named after their Alamut fortress.

The maxim of the novel is "Nothing is real, everything is allowed."

The novel was not published in English until 2004, when a translation was issued by Scala House Press in Seattle, USA, ISBN 0-9720287-3-0. Earlier it was translated into about 18 other languages including Czech (1946), Serbian (1954), French (1988), Spanish (1989), Italian (1989), German (1992), Turkish, Persian (1995), Arabic, Greek, and Korean. As of 2003 it is being translated into Hebrew and Hungarian.

When it was originally published, the novel was sarcastically dedicated to Benito Mussolini.

form wiki
posted by calamity @ 3/27/2007 02:12:00 pm   0 comments
a tragedy of a person is still here somewhere. she looked out from her hidding place some time ago and she still writes bullshit, but doesn't share.

she doesn't want annonimacy, she wants recognition: "calamity you did well, all humankind is gratefull." so from now on she will post if you agree to send her candy or chocholate for every post you like. perhaps you didn't know but calamity can be really nice when you pet her and she's a big sweet tooth too.

posted by calamity @ 3/27/2007 01:21:00 pm   0 comments
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Name: calamity
Home: ptuj, štajerska, Slovenia
About Me: ehhh
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