floating

2006/06/27

Red

No matter how I try it is always me. It is always my fault. I could be perfect and people would still blame me for it. But I am not. Far from that. I’m just myself hurting, being alone and no one cares.
It’s bad luck girl, get some reality check – fuck all of this. What reality? This is it! As real as it gets.
I can’t do it better. Just tell everything to my face, make me live with it, or not. Why would YOU care?
Just don’t leave me floating on this emptiness. Don’t put me in that world where all the clocks stop, where the key doesn’t turn, where nothing seems to work, don’t put me in oblivion.
And yet you are doing it.
You did warn me, I must give you that.
How stupid I am, how naïve.
You write a scenario, make me read it, make me read it once more, make me think about it, make me comment on it…and then you push me into that rocking chair and make me live in exile. But how long will I smoke the cigar? And will I ever find the way into the life again? You shouldn’t leave you main character in this uncertainty.
Or do you KNOW the ending?
Does it go this way?
All mad of emptiness, nothingness, floating, waiting…all mad because this grey dusty room I will try to find the color, to bring some happiness here…MY favorite color…RED.
I will let it spray on the walls, on the windows, on the floor and I will laugh, this is what I deserve - some color.
And not just the past and the sins will spray from my veins, no, you can’t have just that. It’s all or nothing. Let it be all. Just not this grey room, now in beautiful shades of red, with the smell of blood and taste of death.
And all it is for you sire.

posted by calamity @ 6/27/2006 11:23:00 pm

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