floating

2006/06/27

Tears

Once made it all better, but now they just make things worse.
Just hate me…all of you hate me, just give me the reason to take the leap. Give me the excuses; don’t tell me the ever so loving truth. Torture me, it is a new fashion now, being sadistic and masochistic at the same time.
I don’t deserve better: I don’t deserve a word, not an explanation. Just the thing I hate the most…ignorance – all I deserve, all I get.
Think…
Now answer.
Why should you?
But then again why shouldn’t you?
There are ways to make it all better, there are ways to cure this world. On which side are you? Sides we must take. Suffer we must. Everything is better than nothing and nothing is where I am now, hell it is who I am now.
Here I am thankful to have that power in me to write, because when I write I now I won’t do anything stupid, even if it crosses my mind. I let the pain go out even if it hurts more than it did when it went in.
The tears are salty and my chest hurts. My head is empty and still full of nothing that you have seemed to implant in me when I wasn’t paying the attention.
And again I wish I could be the dog to pass the tree with indifference, but I’m not…can’t you see that the indifference is the thing that is killing me here?
I am here away from everything that could hurt and it still hurts, I’m still drawn to that place. I want to stay here, sit here, never to go back, I don’t need the air.
I inhale with fear, carefully. It hurts, my tears come and my hear starts beating fast. I’m sick, the pain…how to kill the pain?
What a great time it is to be all alone, to feel deader than the dead. It makes me sick to even think of talking to some people they would probably kill themselves as a result of our talk (it makes me think: were did that Aussie guy go last night?).
Just sit here…
The easiest for the society.
The hardest for me.
How long…
Until something happens, until I stand up and check if indifference is oblivion.
Until I get another drug, pain killer.
Until the pain kills me – for good this time.

And how I hope…I hope to be in an online experiment that tests people how far they will go, how much they need…But guess what: there is no switch to stop me. This could take a souls life while for you it is just blocking someone and forget: take the oblivion, indifference, limbo…it’s just a few clicks away. And to me?

You blocked me out of your life and I blocked myself out of mine.

posted by calamity @ 6/27/2006 10:02:00 pm

0 Comments: